The week began quietly enough. I was so exhausted by the previous weekend's working that I took Sunday off to get some much needed work completed. I also retired early that night to prepare me for the week. As requested by the Cherub, I switched from performing 30 minute meditation sessions first thing in the morning and before I went to bed in the evening, to a longer meditation and devotion session in the evening. I used a devotion session that included prayers to my personal godhead, silently reciting a prayer saying that there is no barrier between my Deity and myself except the illusionary one that I have created in my mind - that I ardently seek and want union with my godhead. When I recite this prayer, I can feel a moment of powerful passion well up in my deeper being and then pass away. I am unable to sustain it for long, but then that seems kind of normal to me so far. With practice, I may be able to sustain it for longer periods of time. The week progressed without too much difficulty until nearly the end of work week, I was notified that my job would require some important diligence during Friday night and very early Saturday morning, so I decided to perform the workings on Saturday and Sunday instead of Friday and Saturday. This didn't present much of a problem and gave me time to prepare for the working. I knew about this by Wednesday, so it wasn't a complicated change.
However, the work related task was jeopardized by a catastrophic failure, which required me to work most of the weekend to fix it. My other job account also required an unusual bit of maintenance, so I ended up spending nearly two eight hour days over the weekend doing this work, not to mention dealing with the stress. I also pulled a muscle in my back and was not particularly happy about these circumstances, since I had fully expected to have a quiet weekend as far as work is concerned. Luckily I do have the benefit of working from home, so I didn't have to throw in any time for commuting. Despite these complications, I was resolved to perform these invocations, since delaying them was out of the question if I intended to complete this ordeal. I was certainly being tested by uncontrollable events, that was obvious.
As a result of my work related issues, I was not able to perform any devotions on Friday before the working, although I did manage to get all of the preparations completed. I worked up to a point in time that was perhaps a couple of hours before the working, and somehow managed to find a bit of time to eat and take care of my needs. My partner, Grace, helped greatly in this effort, even though she was intensely involved in her own ordeal of completing her semester at school.
December 5 - Invocation of Metatron, Seraphim of the elemental tetrad of Water. Approximate start was around 8:10 pm, during the planetary hour of Mercury, which was locked into the working. I had been anticipating this invocation all week because Metatron is a very famous and well known angel, being both one of the Seraphim and the chief of the Archangels of the Tree of Life. There are many legends about him, but he is also known for being mysterious and quite unfathomable. There are even legends of him being previously human, perhaps even the later manifestation of the undying patriarch, Enoch. Since I had acquitted my mundane tasks in a satisfactory manner, I felt fully prepared, eager and ready for this invocation, but I could not have been prepared for what I was about to experience, so unusual and unique was the manifestation of that entity.
Invocation of Metatron and its associated rites was performed without any problems or issues, in fact with a certain degree of ease. My lady, Grace, assisted me with the mass and the benediction, and I performed the circle consecration and the invocation rite myself. As the invocation was being performed I noticed that there was a great deal of power and energy being generated as the rite progressed - more than I had previously experienced. My body was vibrating with the nervous energy, and it increased to a climax when the invocation was completed and the spirit of the seraphim began to manifest. I held up the sigil of Ratziel, but that didn't even seem to matter - what was occurring happened with or without any kind of assistance. I saw a great shower of sparks and points of light form before me and a powerful presence emerged from it in cascading fountains of light that dazzled my eyes.
Then this body of light that was hovering above me descended and seemed to envelope me. I almost lost consciousness - the light was a beautiful flame blue. From the midst of this form a shaft of brilliant and dazzling light shot forth and passed into me, seemingly to penetrate my very being. I saw within myself and there had been planted in me a small round object the size of a pearl that was vibrating with energy and emitting light in pulses. I heard a voice say to me, "This is my gift to you, Oh sojourner of the spiritual paths of super-celestial magick. It is the seed of spiritual love and greatest wisdom. Care for it, nurture it with love and your passion for God, believe in it as the link between you and your goal. If you do this, then the seed will open and unveil its glory unto your soul. If you fail, then it shall become a dead thing, which shall embitter and curse your very quest to its source. You must choose your path wisely and carefully so that the gift is a great boon to you instead of a barrier."
So I realized that I had been impregnated with a "seed" of wisdom, and that realization amazed me, since I have never experienced anything like that before. I didn't feel violated or intruded upon, because in a way, I had asked for this boon, whether I realized it or not. The seed is nestled in my soul, silvery white on the outside, but lavender and rose colored on inside. It waits for me to achieve the right degree of passion and angst for it to be released, like a trigger. Meanwhile, I have a precious thing within me that I must protect, care and build. One could also conceive of it as a kind of ticking bomb or a poison pill if I am not careful and diligent. If all goes well, then this seed will open at the right time and release its splendor and power as a god-intoxicating passion and spiritually induced ecstasy. I must find the key and know how to deploy it between now and when I perform the Bornless One invocation rite - a mere twenty-five days away.
Metatron's gift has many sides or facets, like a fragile egg I will need to nurture it, keep it "warm" with devotions and an ever increasing and accelerating passion for spiritual union with my personal godhead. If I fail, then the planted seed will die, and it will cause me all sorts of troubles and difficulties. To let such a precious gift be wasted would be a sign of extreme bad faith, probably one that I won't be able to overcome in this lifetime. This seed can open the domain of the causal levels of consciousness and facilitate union between my bornless higher spiritual self and my lower conscious self. My actions are the determining factor, so I must maintain a high level of personal integrity and make certain that nothing deters me from my spiritual goal. Thus the wager of my quest has been greatly magnified, as I stand to gain everything or lose it in single seven week ordeal. Needless to say, I am quite amazed about all of this, it's not at all what I expected. Other than tell me that brief communication, Metatron had nothing further to say, indicating that I would have the basis of his wisdom if the "seed" bloomed within my soul. He also said other information would be forthcoming from the Cherub of Water, so I looked forward to understanding the nature of what has occurred to me from him. I have been given a rare gift (the likes of which I have never heard of before), but it is also a test and a riddle to be solved.
I felt giddy, full of energy, but also greatly exhausted. I felt drunk, but I was sober. My mind had problems focusing and it was buzzing with all sorts of disconnected thoughts. I couldn't think clearly and I communicated in an impulsive and disjointed sort of way (more so than usual). I attempted to retire but had problems falling asleep. I had all sorts of vivid dreams, but they were all mixed up and confusing. After I awoke the next day, I was tired, as if I hadn't really slept very deep or got the rest that I needed. I wondered if I would have the energy to even perform the next working.
The next day found me performing tasks for my mundane job again instead of thinking about what had happened to me the night before. I managed to complete everything that I was working on. There were no major problems that I was not able to quickly solve. Once again, I managed to get everything completed just a couple of hours before the working was to begin. A long meditation with devotions helped to get my mind focused on the magickal work.
December 6 - Invocation of Kerubiel, Cherubim of the elemental attribute of Water. Approximate start was at around 8 pm, locking in the planetary hour of Jupiter. Despite my fatigue and the stress of work related tasks, I managed to find a new store of energy within me. Grace and I split up the ritual work in the same manner as the previous night, except we didn't need to perform the benediction rite. (The environment was already greatly empowered by the previous night's working.) The mass was probably the best attempt that I have made to date with the revised Mass of the Great Goddess, since I was doing some ad-lib on sections that needed revising but hadn't yet been revised. Once these changes are put in, the ritual should be closer to its final form.
The invocation proceeded smoothly and I could feel the build up of power, which seemed to be at a magnitude greater than anything I had experienced previously. When the invocation completed, there was silence and stillness. I showed the sigil of Ratziel, but nothing changed in any dramatic way. Instead I heard distant chords of some kind of celestial music. The stillness was the gentle presence of Kerubiel, which soothed and poured a healing balm unto me, such was the beauty and wondrous love emanating from this being. He appeared to me like a warm embrace or a fragrant summer's night, warm, friendly and inviting. I felt calm, blissful and very much at ease. I was amazed at this manifestation, for I certainly expected to be harshly judged and found woefully inadequate. Instead I found a powerful presence that emanated peace, compassion and healing vitality. I felt refreshed and the stress of the weekend banished as if it hadn't ever existed. What a truly marvelous thing!
Then I heard Kerubiel speak in a gentle whisper, saying the following things.
"You have bravely passed these tests, although more will be forthcoming. Each step in this ordeal will be more difficult than the previous one, so prepare yourself for this battle, for it shall be a mighty undertaking if you succeed. Know that I am the gate keeper of the Heart of God and I will guard this great treasure from all who are not worthy. I have judged your heart and your integrity. Although you are far from perfect or even an ideal level of perfection, you have consistently loved God from the beginning of your path. You have called the Godhead by the name of the "Goddess," but it is one of the many manifestations that I have served as an emissary of the One. You have maintained that connection and have given devotions to your godhead all through the years - from your youth until now without any lapse. I have also weighed your ethics and measured your integrity. I have found them consistent and over-all good, but not perfect. So therefore, as the Gate Keeper, I open for you the gateway and act as your guide in this ordeal, which shall last for the rest of your life. Know also that to those I have deemed unworthy I appear in a terrible and deadly guise, to frighten them away, and if they persist, to unsoul them. Since your heart is good, then to you I appear gentle and compassionate."
"I reveal this wisdom to you - a great seed has been planted in you, and only the greatest passion and love of God will cause it to open and reveal its secrets. When giving devotions to your godhead, remember the poetry of Rumi, Hafiz and Kabir - and other poetry of the love to God, such as the Psalms. Sing praises to God, whom you love and adore, and the seed will reveal to you its inner most secrets and greatest glory."
"Also, you will need to incorporate some additional elements from the Book of Abramelin into your ordeal. Examine the last three days of that traditional ordeal, such as the fasting, prayers, vigils, anointing and atonement (ashes upon the head) - these you will need to work into what you already have completed. Choose four days before drawing the eight angels together and dedicate each to the one of the four Elements. For each day you shall summon, meditate and commune with the Seraph and the Cherub of that Element for an hour or more, so that whatever knowledge, wisdom and power they might have shall be given to you to accomplish this great ordeal. Do this fully before you dare to merge them together into the spirit of the Godhead Element that you shall summon. Continue from this night forward to give your devotions, remembering to call upon any of the Seraph or Cherub that you might need, to inspire or guide you. For having passed by me, you are given these keys to aid in the completion of your ordeal."
The invocation of Keburiel was completed then, and even though I felt glad of the outcome, I was greatly exhausted. I was surprised at being so readily accepted by the Cherub, but I knew that I had not wavered in my faith all of these years, and perhaps this was my reward for being such a creature of habit and so fixated on my magick and my pagan faith. It all turned out to have a purpose, so I felt quite happy. Then I remembered the seed planted in my soul, realizing that the work had really only just begun, and any degree complacency on my part was deadly to me.
