She Throws Down Her Staff

Artist Bros. Enterprises Presents: Mighty Weenie Pathetic Rangers "Green with Vomit, Part IV; Rita's Comet" Parody of, "Green with Evil, Part IV; The Eclipsing MegaZord"LAST TIME ON THE PATHETIC RANGERS: With the situation as distorted as it is, Rita has decided to revive her oldbattlin' bud Scorpina! Rita: I am going to unleash the Evil Scorpina to destroy those metal monkeys....meanwhile Tommy, still under the stinky cold-mashed potato breath spell,throws out Jason so he can practise destroying him and his crayon coloredslaves, dah I mean friends. Jason: When is that darn Goldar gonna get back here? Tommy: Get out! I've gotta practise so I can whip that tower of rust you call MegaJunkaZord here. Jason: You can't do that, according to the script; Golder is holding me captive here and then somehow I talk him into... Tommy: STOP LEAKING THE PLOT, or you'll never get out of here!Will Bulk & Skull finally get what they deserve for being so incrediblyincredibly gross? Is Tommy going to finally rid us of the talking fish in theaquarium? Will the MegaJunkaZords survive? Find out in today's Episode of thePathetic Rangers, Next!AND NOW PART 4: SCENE I:At the Command Center: Jason is repeatedly, yet slowly pounding his fist intohis palm ready to assault someone--particularly Evil Green Ranger, Zack iswandering around, Billy is busy working away at the ancient computer panel,Kimberly is playing with a slinky while chewing bubble-gum and Trini isjust continuously weeping behind one of the computer stations. Suddenly, thehead-tube makes a very noticeable, even, scary electric static noises as ascarce picture of Zordon's head appears.Zordon: Look at, the viewing, globe.Zack: Why? We do this all the time. Besides, aren't you supposed to be lost?Zordon: Well I'm not, shouldn't you be grateful?Zack: Why? You're just gonna fade out again.Zordon: Just look at the globe, stupid. As you can see, Rita is planning to destroy the entire city.Trini: Goldar is smashing the City!Jason: It's morphine time!Trini: Why didn't you show up before?Zordon: I was on the John, I decided to drop by and say Hi.Jason: Oh, It's morphine time.The Rangers pull out their morphers and prepare to morph when the controlpanels begin exploding with electrical sparks spewing out and each morphingcoin starts spewing out sparks all at once.Kimberly (annoyed): Now what!?Alpha 5: The beam that was trying to locate Zordon was disrupted with an energy surge.Zack: You mean we can't morph?Jason: If we can't Morph, Goldar is gonna destroy Angel Grave.Trini (sarcastically): Really. I thought he was going to sing songs and play "Ring Around the Rosey" with orphaned children.Billy: Wait, let me fix it.Trini: Why should we?Billy: Get off my back.Billy grabs one of the control panels and roughly yanks it off to examine thegoing-ons that obstruct them inside the control panel and starts manuallyoperating with one of the vacuum tubes (similarly used in Uni-Vac 1950sprimitive computer systems). SCENE II:Cheers begins to rock and customers run clear of the building.Skull: Bulk, I think we oughta get outta here.Bulk: I'm not threw with my beer!Skull: No really, we've gotta hurry.A steel beam falls to the Bar Counter.Bulk: YIPE! Now I'm done, let's go Skull.Skull: But what about the Cheers gang?Bulk: They're canceled, who cares?Bulk and Skull take cover. SCENE III:The Command Center's lights are revived and Billy closes up the computer panel.Billy: It should work now. I sure hope you writers aren't planning another serious calamity. I'm gettin' mighty tired of playing mechanic all the time.Jason: Okay, it's morphine time!Zack: MajorMessKimberly: PterodorkyBilly: TribladdertopsTrini: Sabertoothed Alley-CatJason: TrashosaurusALL: PATHETIC RANGERS! SCENE IV:Bulk & Skull miraculously are found not outside Cheers, but outside the YouthCenter aimlessly running around the parking lot for protective shielding likehiding under a tree during an electrical storm when Bulk notices an abandoned,nearly empty-fueled shuttle bus.Bulk: Hey wait a minute, Skull. Maybe we can steal this bus to flee the city!Skull: Bulk, I sure hope you know what you're talking about. I mean these things only get up to about 25 miles per...Bulk: Come on you worry wart, let's catch the bus!Bulk and Skull jump on the bus and proceed to take turns in fumbling aroundattempting to start the engine. Before they can start the bus, pre-grownGoldar picks it up. Once in the air, the Engine starts.Bulk: There we go... Hey! What happened to the road!Skull: Bulky, that Gold creep's got us!Bulk & Skull: AH! SCENE V:Morphed Zack, Jason and Billy are standing on top of a building watchinggigantic Goldar virtually juggling the Shuttle Bus carrying Bulk and Skullcausing them to get intensely nauseous.Billy: Bulk and Skull are about to vomit.Jason: Oh great, that's all the city needs--and endless flow of what Bulk and Skull are made of. Suggestions?Kimberly: We get the Mega...Jason: Not you.Rita: Oh Rangers, I'll let your gross friends go if you surrender to me!Billy: Oh yeah; some deal.Trini: Billy, we're "to be looking out for the well-being of people.Billy: Bulk and Skull are alienated from the word "people."Jason: Listen, you old witch, you can just forget it!Rita: Goldar, take them to the beach.Goldar: YESSS!Bulk (inside the bus): Please don't do this to us!Later...The Rangers teleport to the beach.Rita: What took you so long?Jason: Hey, T.V. film splicing only goes so fast.Goldar sets the bus down on top of a steep cliff where dozens of muddies aresurrounding the bus from behind doing The Jerk as they shake, rattle and rollthe bus scaring the willies out of Bulk and Skull in a near-final attempt atshoving the bus over the edge to kill them.Trini: Rita's goons are going to push the bus off the cliff!Billy: What a stupid situation, we have to save punks.Kimberly: I think we should get the...Jason: Nobody ask you..Zack: Oh no. Not Goldar again! He's huge.Kimberly: But I was just trying to tell you to get...Jason: Aw man, we need MegaJunkaZord power, NOW!Kimberly: I was just going to say that.The MegaJunkaZord lands on it feet straight out of the clear blue sky. TheRangers teleport inside the cockpit.After several long minutes of this commotion, the muddies succeed in rammingthe bus off the edge and it goes skidding down the side of the cliff, impacting large boulders on the way down.Bulk: OH!Skull: D'OH!Bulk: AUGH!Skull: UGH!The obvious black glove attached to the MegaJunkaZord grabs the toy bus andsets it back on the cliff. The totalled out bus begins to make strange sounds.Bulk: We're SAVED!Skull (dizzy): Ahwoah, uh...UGH!Skull pukes.Bulk: Oh. Great! [Snif, Snif] Hey; what's that "smell?Skull: I think we better get outta here.Bulk and Skull quickly stumble out of the bus and flee and begin screaming.Moments after they escape, the entire bus violently explodes. SCENE VI:A sneaky Tommy morphs into the Command Center again.Alpha 5: Oh no! Not again!Tommy: SHH! You're not supposed to know I'm here.Alpha: Oh right, let's see here if I could just get Zordon's Dimensional files.Zordon: Oh no, not you again! Alpha, look - out - behind - you.Tommy: No you don't!Tommy kicks Alpha in the stomach, uses his elbow to smash in Alpha's head andswings him by the legs until he hits a wall. He picks Alpha up and yanks out acord connected to a battery connected to the computer console marked "BackupPower Supply" pulling the plug on Alpha as his head audibly hits the controlconsole.Zordon: Are you just doing what you did before?Tommy: Yeah.Zordon: Just checking. GET SOME TRAINING, WRITERS!Tommy: Now I'm gonna pull the plug on you, old-man! And soon, I'm gonna screw up the Pathetic Rangers too. I'm going to slam dunk the MegaJunkaZord into the trashcan! Muahahahahaha! That's right, I'm going to screw up your little Super-Hero Team REAL Bad.Alpha: Not if I can help it.Alpha straightens up and pulls out a stun-gun.Alpha: All right, Greenie; you think you're so tough? DROP your BarneyDagger.Alpha gets up and limps his way to the control panel and quickly uses aspace-age tricorder from Star Trek to stabilize himself.Tommy: Sure, ya right. I thought I turn you off!Alpha: You did, but my back up systems kicked in. (Courtesy of General Electric) Now, keep your hands up where I can see 'em.Tommy: you don't have the guts ta...Alpha: SHADDUP! Move over to the wall! You're gonna play sittin' bull in a bird cage. Computer: Activate Force-Field around intruder.Suddenly, Tommy is encased in a tube.Tommy: Aw man, you're gonna pay for this, robot.Zordon: Seeya.Zordon quickly liquifies and runs off the sides of the tube.Alpha: Now look what you did. Now Zordon is lost.Tommy: And soon, will the Pathetic Rangers.Alpha: You've overacted that line about twenty-times now. Yer kinda driving it home.Tommy: I like saying it, so sue me.Alpha: I will. SCENE VII:Meanwhile MegaJunkaZord is fighting off Goldar. Rita gets worried so she sendsdown retarded Scorpina.Rita: Huh! Hurry up Scorpina!Scorpina: Right, I'll make pulp out of those crayon colored stick figures!Rita: Make Scorpina grow!She throws down her staff and Scorpina grows causing her to expand into alarger and more scorpion-like looking creature. Once giant, Scorpina mutatesinto one ugly lookin' S.O.B.Scorpina: Let's rock.Billy: Watch her stinger.Jason: Oh, just wait 'til I get my hands on this witch. SCENE VIII:The camera takes a very tilted slight bird's-eye-view picture of the commandcenter where Alpha--not knowing what he's doing--is frantically working at thecomputers attempting to retrieve Zordon while Tommy is in the laser-bared cell.Alpha: Aye Yi, Aye Yi, Yi!Tommy: Aw, what's the matter, you little mechanical misfit? Can't you make anything work?Alpha: Shut up, you make me sick. You are truly evil, Evil Green Ranger.Tommy: Is that a name I've been deemed with?Alpha: Yes, as long as you're working for Rita, you're known as "Evil Green Ranger." And anyway, it's time to see who's behind that mask! SCENE IX:Meanwhile, Rita's scoping out the desperate battle.Rita: It's time to call on my Green Ranger! Where is he anyway?!?!Baboo: Probably taking a leak.Squatt: Hehehehehe.Rita: Quit fooling! SCENE X: At the Command Center...Tommy: Hey, I'd love to get some more side-aches from laughing at you making a fool out of yourself, calling it a way to better the world of science, but I've gotta go take care of some business. Seeya--wouldn't wanna be ya.Tommy vanishes out of Alpha's laser prison.Alpha 5: How the hell did he do that? Oh well, at least I lifted his wallet. Heh-heh, now to go find Zordon. SCENE XI:Rita: Make my Ranger Grow!Huge Tommy walks out of a huge cloud while devilishly laughing in slow-motionand begins to brutally attack the MegaJunkaZord.Kimberly: Oh no, it's that Mean-Green Fighting Machine.Billy: Ugh... Uh oh, an eclipse is starting!Jason: Solar-Power diminishing 25 percent.Trini: Jason, the Power Sword.Zack: Yeah, dude. Why didn't we get that in the first place?Jason: That's simple, I'm obviously stupid. We need the Plastic Sword, NOW!Soon after the Plastic Sword is in MegaJunkaZord's hands, it does them no goodas Goldar and the others gang up on the MegaJunkaZord and snatch the sword outof his hands and throws it in the lake.Goldar: Haha!Trini (annoyed): Great!Finally Tommy, Scorpina and Goldar do a few groovie moves on MegaJunkaZord andthen MegaJunkaZord starts twisting to Henry Mancini's "Baby Elephant Walk" asall of their swords melts down the entire Zord.Suddenly, the earth's ground splits open slightly, but wide enough soautomatically cause the screaming zords to split up and slowly descend into avolcanic pit of red hot molten rock known as the fiery pit of hell, aspredicted.The Pathetic Rangers are tossed into the grass, de-morphed when they run up tothe edge of the cliff.Billy: Where's the MegaZord.Jason: Over there.The entire MegaZord hits the bottom and explodes as the fire engulfs theMegaZord.Trini: OH no!The rangers stare at the completely melted down MegaZord.Kimberly: May I say it now?Billy: Sure.Kimberly: They're totalled!Billy: Well they weren't that great to begin with.Trini elbows Billy in the gut. SCENE XII:The rangers in the command center--unmorphed, playing twister.Alpha 5: Knock it off, the cameras are on.Jason: Oh.Alpha 5: I've been running some tests that no other computer in the history of science can perform with these fictional systems and I think we may know who the Green Ranger is.Billy: Oh really?Alpha: Actually, I just lifted his wallet.Trini: Agh!Jason: Man I sure would like to know who this green guy is.Alpha: Look on the viewing globe.A police-mug shot of Tommy flashes on the Viewing Globe.Jason: Man, I just KNEW it!Zack: Oh no.Billy: I'll wipe that grin off his face.Trini: Kimberly, look.Kimberly is sprawled out onto the floor unconscious. TO BE CONTINUED... (C) 1993 Artist Bros. Enterprises NEXT TIME ON THE PATHETIC RANGERS... Now that the Rangers are really reeling from the pain, they find out Tommy isthe cause of their woes... Kimberly: I can't believe my Tommy is a mean, evil Ranger, and worse, a stinky grouch, what am I going to say? [Sobbing] "That's it sweet baby"? Billy: Oh puh-lease! Get a grip! Trini: Oh will you shut up?! Or else we'll drop YOU off at the cemetery, naked! Jason: I knew that guy was trouble. Trini: Yeah right, you told everybody that Tommy was the Green Ranger. Jason: It's called `Acting', look into it....and with the Weenie's without their Zords, they seem to be doomed! Rita: BarneyZord, ARISE!The BarneyZord Rises from the coast and starts smashing through Downtown AngelGrave. Tommy: All right! BarneyZord. Tommy somersaults on top of BarneyZord's head. Rita: With this you will crush those Pathetic Weenies!Will Zordon ever show up for the match? Can the Rangers fight something 20times taller than themselves without their Zords? Ah, who are we kiddin', justFind out on the NEXT Episode of the Pathetic Rangers!
"Mighty Weenie Pathetic Rangers" is a trademark of Artist Bros. Entertainment.The above material is protected under laws of the United States and othercountries. Unauthorized duplication, distribution or exhibition may resultin civil liability and criminal prosecution. Copyright (c)1993 Artist Brothers.All Rights Reserved. Country Of First Publication: United States of America.Ondre and Dairenn Lombard are the authors of the preceding text. The charactersand events depicted in this story are fictional. Any similarity to actualpersons, living or dead, is purely coincidental and unintentional. Thissatire is protected under the Fair Use provisions for parody in United Statescopyright law. This copyright notice does not extend to infringe upon existingcopyrights for "Mighty Morphin Power Rangers" a registered trademark of SabanEntertainment, Saban International, N.V.; Toei Group, Toei International, ToeiAgency or Fox Kids Network. [TV-14]